Rough Rider Page 13

  Her pregnancy had come as a shock. She and Grady hadn’t even talked about kids and then suddenly they had one on the way. She’d had a real hard time of it too, almost miscarried twice. In the end, she’d had to leave the bull-riding tour and go back home to Montana. The last six weeks she’d spent almost entirely in bed.

  Between her difficult pregnancy and her father’s fight with cancer, they’d had to sell off almost everything—the horses, the cows, and even most of the ranch. Grady was constantly on the road, Janice couldn’t help, and Mama couldn’t run it by herself. They’d held on to Mag the longest, but even he had eventually gone to the highest bidder. Grady had counted on the ranch as his retirement legacy, but it was all gone and he resented the hell out of her for it. Grady was traveling almost all the time, which made it easier, but even when he was home, he paid little attention to either of them.

  It wasn’t the life she’d dreamed of, but she still had hopes to make it work. At least now Grady was winning more often than not. If he took the championship tonight, they’d have money enough to buy a place of their own, instead of living like gypsies in cheap motels.

  “Janice? Is that you?” A light touch on her shoulder and an achingly familiar baritone voice broke into her thoughts. She spun around, feeling as if the breath had been crushed out of her chest at the sight of his face. For four years she’d tried to put Dirk Knowlton out of her mind, but try as she might, she could never forget him. His eyes were still the same startling icy blue, but they were also somehow different. Older. And shadowed. More sober. He’d matured.

  “Dirk? Oh my God! I can’t believe it’s you! Wh-what are you doing here?”

  “Just got back from the sand pits and I’m on leave. I was watching ESPN last week and saw Grady’s qualifying ride so I decided to come out.”

  “But I thought you and Grady…”

  “What’s done is done.” He shrugged. “It’s been four years. Life’s too short. Grudges and regrets both just get heavier the longer you carry them. So it’s past time to get over it, right?”

  He spoke rhetorically, but his gaze seemed too probing, as if it really was a question he expected her to answer. Get over it or him? She’d done neither. But he was right. What was done couldn’t be undone.

  “Mama! Who’s that?”

  Dirk’s gaze darted to Cody and then back to Janice. “You have a kid?”

  “Yes, Dirk. This is Cody.” She turned to her son. “Cody, this is Mr. Dirk. He used to rodeo with your daddy.”

  “You don’t do it anymore?” Cody asked.

  “Nope.” Dirk shook his head. “I quit four years ago. I’m a marine now.”

  Cody’s face wrinkled. “What’s a mawine?”

  “It’s kind of like a soldier and a sailor combined,” Janice explained.

  “Oh.”

  The announcer’s voice interrupted the exchange, introducing the barrel man. Cody’s attention riveted back to the arena. “Look, Mama! It’s a clown.”

  Dirk tipped his hat. “I’ll catch up with you afterwards? Maybe we can all have dinner?”

  “Yes, Dirk,” Janice replied. “I…we’d like that. Grady’ll be really surprised.”

  * * *

  Dirk went to find his seat, shaking his head in disbelief. She had a kid.

  He’d known Janice and Grady had married right after he joined up. His mother’s letters had kept him informed about all the local gossip, but she’d never mentioned they’d had a son. The knowledge had lambasted him. He didn’t know why. Maybe a piece of him hadn’t wanted to let go of the past…let go of her. There was so much he’d wanted to say if he ever saw her again, but none of it mattered anymore. All that counted was that she was happy.

  Dirk watched a dozen rides with a sense of total detachment until Grady’s name came up. He’d drawn a bull named Gangbanger. The announcer called out the animal’s stats—thirty outs no rides. Grady’s kinda bull. He might be one of the top contenders tonight, but with this bull, there was no margin for error.

  Dirk’s muscles tensed involuntarily as he watched the action behind the chutes. He could almost feel the adrenaline rush that he’d thought long forgotten, or at least replaced with the state of total hyperawareness that preceded combat. He found himself on the edge of his seat by the time Grady gave the nod. A millisecond later, Gangbanger spun out of the gate like an F4 tornado. Grady was in near-perfect form the entire eight-second ride and his expression at the whistle said it all—it was the smug-as-hell smile of the new world champion.

  After the last ride, Dirk made his way through the crowd to the bull pens. He found Grady already in full celebration mode. But rather than rejoicing in his victory with his wife and son, he was swigging from a foaming bottle of champagne while the buckle bunnies swarmed. Dirk searched the crowd for Janice and found her standing quietly in the background, holding Cody’s hand, looking on with her lips pressed into a fake smile.

  His gut churned at the realization that Grady never even looked in Janice’s direction. He’d thought she was content until that moment, or maybe that’s what his conscience had wanted to believe, but her eyes told a completely different story. He pressed his way through the revelers to her side.

  “Mr. Dirk!” Cody squealed. “Did you see it? My daddy won! He’s the champion of the whole wide world!”

  “I did see it, Cody. It was a great ride.”

  “I’m gonna be a world champion too when I gwow up.”

  “I’m sure you will be.” He ruffled the little boy’s curls and stood back with Janice while Cody entertained himself by climbing the panel of an empty pen. He watched her watching the boy, with love and more than a little sadness reflected in her eyes. He’d give anything in that moment to take her in his arms and make it all better. But he didn’t have that right. He’d given it to Grady. Now he’d never felt so helpless in his life. “You OK, Red?” he asked, trying to pose the question with just the right amount of concern and ease to open the door. He’d help her, if she’d let him. But that was a ridiculous thought. He couldn’t help her, even if she would let him. And she wouldn’t. Of that he was sure.

  “Yes. It’s just overwhelming. We hoped of course, but with bulls, you never know.” She nodded to Grady and the autograph seekers. “Looks like he’s going to be a while yet. I need to get Cody home to bed. I’m afraid we’ll have to take a rain check on that dinner, but there’s a big after-party at the PBR Rock Bar. You should go with him, Dirk.”

  “You aren’t going?” he asked in surprise.

  “No. I can’t. Besides, I’m not much for parties, and this one is certain to get wilder than I like. I’m sure Grady’s going to be out all night celebrating.” She offered a weak smile. “You know how he is.”

  “Yeah. I know all right.”

  “Maybe you can look after him for me? I know he’s gonna get wasted. I can’t do anything about that, but I just want him to get home in one piece.”

  “Yeah, I can watch over him—as much as he’ll let me, anyway.”

  “Thanks, Dirk.” She paused. “Are you in town long? Will I—I mean—will we see you again?”

  “Dunno. Don’t really have any plans.”

  “Are you going home at all?”

  “Nope. Not this time. It’d be too damned awkward.”

  “Awkward? What do you mean? Oh.” Her mouth gaped. “I’m sorry…I’d heard about the wedding. I’m so stupid.” She shut her eyes with an embarrassed head shake.

  “It’s nothing, Red. I wish Wade and Rachel well, but if I suddenly showed up…” He shrugged. “You know how it would be. It’s a small town. They don’t need any more fodder for gossip than they already have.”

  “So you’re honestly OK with it? With Wade and Rachel?”

  “They’re consenting adults. Besides, her father never thought I was good enough anyway. He once said he’d rather see her with Wade.
I just hope they’re doing it for the right reasons.”

  “Yeah. The right reasons,” she whispered. “Sometimes people make big mistakes. Huge life-altering mistakes. At the time they think they’re doing the right thing, but they realize later that it was for all the wrong reasons.”

  He couldn’t help himself. He had to hear it from her lips. “Are you unhappy, Red? Has he hurt you?”

  “Does it really matter?” Janice gave a fatalistic shrug. “I made my bed. And Cody here is late for his.”

  “Has he hurt you?” he demanded, more insistent. “I want to know, Janice.”

  “He doesn’t beat me, if that’s what you’re asking, but there are worse ways to hurt someone.”

  His mouth thinned. “Like how?”

  She looked away. “I really don’t want to discuss my marriage to Grady, especially not in front of Cody.”

  “I understand. Do you need a ride somewhere?”

  She hesitated, her gazed locked with his for a long moment before breaking away. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea. But thank you for the offer. I’ll just take the truck back to the hotel if you can give Grady a lift later.”

  He nodded. “I’ll see him back to you when it’s all done.”

  Later that night he was glad he hadn’t promised her it would be in one piece.

  Chapter 10

  “Janice Lee Combes! You aren’t actually going out dressed like that, are you?”

  “It’s Garrison, Mama. I don’t know why you refuse to say it. It’s only been my name for the past ten years.”

  “You know I never liked that boy. Now that he’s gone, you should change it back.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Janice hissed. “And please don’t talk like that in front of Cody.”

  “Like what?” Cody asked.

  “Nothing,” Janice replied with a sigh. She was back home for good now, Grady was gone, and Cody was growing up just fine, in spite of her occasional clashes with his doting grandmother about his father.

  “You didn’t answer my question either,” her mother persisted. “You aren’t wearing that to work, are you?”

  “She always dresses up in funny clothes for work, Grandma,” Cody said.

  “This is not your conversation, Cody. Now eat your peas.”

  Cody scowled at his plate. “I hate peas.”

  “But you like Gram’s chocolate cake, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No peas means no cake. I mean it.” Janice directed the threatening look first to Cody and then to her mother. “You’ve got to stop spoiling him.”

  “It’s my right as a grandma to spoil my only grandbaby. You still didn’t explain why you’re dressed like that.”

  “Look, Mama, it’s real simple. I’m working in a bar. Most of the patrons are men. Men like to look.” Janice made a small adjustment to her cleavage but wasn’t about to go change. She was already running late. Besides, a small show of flesh meant much bigger tips.

  “Well, it ain’t decent.” Her mother huffed. “And I thought you were looking for ranch work.”

  “I was and I still am, but no one’s hiring hands right now and we’ve got bills to pay. Look, Mama, I don’t have time to talk about this right now. I’m gonna be late. Be a good boy for Grams, Cody, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She kissed the top of his head and grabbed her purse off the kitchen counter but then hesitated at the door, feeling a surge of guilt. Between the moving and her job search, she hadn’t spent much time with her son. “Cody?”

  “What, Mama?”

  “I was thinking maybe we can do something special together this weekend? I know some great spots to go fishing. Would you like that?”

  “Dunno.” He shrugged. “Never been fishing. I got invited to a friend’s house. Can I go?”

  “Who’s the friend?” she asked.

  “His name’s Caleb Croft. They have horses. I’ve never ridden a horse either.”

  Janice bit her lip, searching her memory. “I don’t know any Crofts. Do you, Mama?”

  “I do. They moved to town a few years back. Seem like nice enough folks. I think she’s a teacher.”

  “Librarian,” Cody corrected. “Caleb’s mama works at the school.”

  “Oh?” Janice said. “Then I s’pose it’ll be all right, but I’ll still want to meet them first. Call and ask Caleb when I can bring you out there. I gotta run now, sweetie. Bye, Mama,” Janice flung over her shoulder as she headed out the door.

  Arriving at work twenty minutes later, Janice made a face in the mirror as she applied a shade of lipstick she never would have considered ten years ago. It seemed ironic, even laughable, how nothing in town had changed, while nothing about her would ever be the same.

  In all truth, the last place Janice wanted to be was back in Twin Bridges, Montana, with her tail between her legs like some beaten-down dog. But that’s exactly what she felt like—as desperate as a starving bitch with whelps to feed. Returning home was not what she’d planned, but as always, Janice did what Janice needed to do. Her family depended on it. They’d always depended on her and she’d never let them down. Not once.

  The truth was the only person Janice had ever disappointed in her entire life was herself. Yes, she’d certainly let herself down—or better said—she’d let herself be beaten down. It should have made her happy to come back and make a new start, but she felt like a stranger in her hometown. She’d never been more terrified. Or more alone.

  She reminded herself that all that mattered now was making a decent life for Cody, even if that meant aping a Hooters girl. Although they barely skated above the poverty line, at least they had a roof over their heads in a place where Cody could do all the things boys were meant to do—like ride horses and learn to hunt and fish. Hiking her breasts a little higher in her push-up bra, she left the ladies’ room to clock in for her evening shift.

  * * *

  It was a slow night, even for a Thursday, when Wade Knowlton walked into the bar. The sight of him took her aback. She’d heard he’d had some trouble with booze following what folks called “the Rachel tragedy.” Janice had still been traveling the bull circuit when it had all happened, but she’d heard plenty of gossip about it. Their world was small—especially when the news concerned the Knowlton brothers. If only Rachel hadn’t played them against each other, everything might have turned out differently. Given time and perspective, the whole situation was nothing short of heartbreaking.

  Janice hoped Wade’s appearance in the bar didn’t mean he’d fallen back into old habits. God knew she was familiar enough with that vicious cycle. But contrary to her fears, Wade seemed perfectly at ease with the world, walking in with a grin and a pretty brunette that Janice didn’t recognize.

  He tipped his hat to the bartender, and then to several waitresses who lit up at the sight of him. Wade had that effect on lots of women. He was a damned good-looking man and a charmer to boot, but he’d never compared to Dirk in Janice’s book.

  Until now, she hadn’t seen either of the Knowlton brothers. She wanted desperately to see Dirk again, but in the weeks since she’d been home, she hadn’t yet worked up enough nerve to take the initiative. She was too uncertain of her reception. He’d been through so much and she feared her appearance would only resurrect bad memories. So she’d waited, banking her hopes that he would come to her, but so far those hopes hadn’t paid off.

  Janice’s pulse sped up when Wade settled at a table in her section. Here was her chance at last, but she found her courage faltering. “Buck up, Janice. Who knows when you’ll get another chance,” she mumbled to herself.

  Armed with a bright smile, she approached their table. “Hey, Wade. Been a long time.”

  He stared blankly for a few seconds, then recognition dawned. “Janice Combes? I’ll be damned. I didn’t know you were back in town.”

&nb
sp; His reaction didn’t surprise her. She hardly recognized herself anymore—either inside or out. Janice Combes had left Montana as a tall and gangly girl but the brown eyes that gazed back at her in the mirror were darkly shadowed from years of sleepless nights. She felt so much older than her barely thirty years. She also felt suddenly self-conscious.

  “I never thought I’d set foot back here either, but I had nowhere else to go with my kid and all.” She always hated having to explain, but the subject inevitably came up along with all the awkward questions.

  “I was sorry to hear about what happened to Grady.” Wade shook his head with a sympathetic look. “What a gruesome way to go.”

  It was gruesome. The stuff of nightmares, but Janice didn’t care to rehash all the sordid details. The papers and the Cowboy Sports News had already done that…and then some. The worst part of it was when her son discovered videos of it on YouTube. Cody would probably carry the scars his entire life. It was part of the reason she hadn’t come home sooner. She hadn’t wanted him to have to deal with the questions or the looks of pity. So they’d stayed in Vegas.

  Although the anonymity of the city had been her shield, it was no place to raise a kid—especially a boy without a father—so they’d eventually packed up and come home to Montana. Maybe three years wasn’t long enough for the scandal to die altogether, but at least now it was all old news.

  “He knew as well as anyone that it was bound to happen sooner or later. With the bulls, it’s never a question of if you’re gonna get hurt—it’s just when and how bad. Least he didn’t suffer much. He never regained consciousness.” She shrugged, hoping Wade wouldn’t ask any more about it, and that he’d interpret her terse response as stoicism rather than coldheartedness. After all this time, it was still hard to deal with, but at least she was free.

  “I’m glad Dirk gave up rodeo, though the way it turned out for him, maybe joining the marines wasn’t the best choice either,” Wade said.